Learning Leadership in Real Time

When I joined Toastmasters, I thought the biggest thing I needed was overcome the fear of public speaking. I did not realize the journey would also teach me how to lead, adapt, communicate, and understand people in ways I never expected.

One of my earliest leadership roles was serving as Vice President Education of Dar Toastmasters. I was still new to leadership, still finding my voice, still learning how to lead people who were also learning. Looking back now, that role shaped me deeply.

Here are 5 lessons that stayed with me.

I still remember how difficult it was at times to get members to take speaking roles. Some would smile, attend meetings, and still stay in the background. Some did not see what Toastmasters could do for them. I used to think the solution was to encourage more, remind more, ask more. But slowly I learned something deeper. People do not move just because they are asked. They move when something inside them connects. My role shifted from simply assigning roles to helping people see the growth and confidence that could come from stepping forward. Leadership became less about filling slots and more about helping someone say, “I think I can try this.”

There were days when the meeting was planned, roles were assigned and agenda set. Then just a few minutes before the meeting messages start coming in. “I will not make it today.” In those moments, the plan that felt so neat would start to fall apart. I learned very quickly that leadership does not wait for perfect conditions. You adjust. You think fast. You change direction without losing the purpose of the meeting. Sometimes I would stand there, take a breath, and quietly rebuild the session in my mind while smiling on the outside so the meeting could continue smoothly. Those moments taught me more than any manual ever could.

There were times I was seen as too firm or too persistent when encouraging members to take roles. I would leave those moments questioning myself. Am I pushing too much? Am I doing this right? But I also saw something important. If I stepped back too much, people stayed in comfort. If I stayed silent, growth slowed. Leadership is not about being liked in every moment. It is about being responsible for growth, even when it creates resistance.

One Christmas themed meeting still stands out in my memory. I had planned it with so much care. Food ordered. Activities ready. Excitement building because I wanted it to be special. Then the day came. And slowly, reality changed. People did not show up. Some did not inform anyone. I remember sitting there thinking, “So what now?” For a moment, it felt like everything had collapsed. But then something unexpected happened. The few of us who were there decided not to cancel the moment. We sat together. We shared the food. We laughed anyway. And somewhere in that simplicity, the mood shifted. Later, we took the remaining food and distributed it to homeless people. That day turned into something I never planned, but will never forget. What felt like disappointment became one of the most meaningful experiences I had in the club.

Over time, I began to notice clear patterns in how people responded in the club. Some members needed clear instructions like what role to take, when the meeting was, and what was expected of them. Others needed gentle reminders before meetings because they would forget or get busy. Some needed encouragement in private conversations before they agreed to speak in public. Others needed space and time before they were ready to participate. I learned that communication is not one style for everyone. I had to adjust how I spoke depending on the person. I stopped thinking that my job was only to inform people. My focus became helping them understand their role in a way that felt meaningful to them. That is when I saw that communication is not about control. It is about clarity that leads to ownership.

What I know for sure now is that leadership is not something you step into because of a title. It is something you grow into through experience, discomfort, and reflection. Toastmasters did not just teach me how to speak. It taught me how to listen more deeply, adapt when things change, and stay grounded when situations do not go as planned. Most importantly, it taught me that leadership is built in everyday moments with people, not in positions or labels.

“You do not lead by standing above others. You lead by standing with them.”